i know what i want.
i don't need you to tell me.

and i wonder did i choose wrongly now?
just like what my dad have said. i guess it all make sense.
haha.

confused? am not i suppose.

alright. what should i do later?


you know when i was doing the last paper yesterday.
it's the feeling of asking you to throw your eraser and anyhow ti kam the answer of true or false.
my 40 marks from section A, all can throw back to the markers.
and i seriously stun and stared at section A and feeling so horrible at the very beginning of the paper.
cos i got zero ideas what they are asking about and it's that horrible feeling that creeps into my brain.
and for section B, i was left with 10 minutes for the last question to do, altogether the paper have to answer 11 questions, 8 from Section A & 3 from Section B, by the time i finish my section A(anyhow do one).
i don't know why my brain ask me to do question 11 instead of 14 which is the solow growth model thing.
i know my economic growth chapter isn't that fantastic.
but can DD did calculation question for macroecons without CALCULATOR(no calculator allow) during that last 10 minutes?
i practice the past year questions which is almost similar and i know how to do. and i meant it when i practice. but at that very last 10 minutes. i couldn't finish the question 11 for sure which i didn't.
40 marks + another 14 marks= 54 marks.
why my brain don't ask me do 14, why those solow growth derivation and stuff don't want to flood back to my head. JUST TELL ME WHY?!
:(
sigh. i think i will say hello to the 20 chapters for macroecons again.
seriously, i can't pass this paper for sure.

and just like he have said.
at least you really did studied hard for your macro, even if you fail, you have not let yourself down. the process of learning is more important than the final results.
i know he meant well. but. . .

but sometimes, i think if you really did studied, and you fail. then what happen?
it's like you put in the effort, but it's not the end result that you wanted.

SIAN, life is just so sian lah.

couldn't sleep well last night because i am pretty piss off by myself.
it's like a game of nightmare for me.
toss and turn till like 6am then i happily sleep and my ipod was flat by then.

but still i need to shout.
IT'S THE HOLIDAYS!
bye bye exams, bye bye expo, bye bye school.
hello, holidays.

well. let me rest for a few weeks before finding for a job.

Happy birthday to May
and Denise have a safe and fun trip to Bangkok.
:)


for once. my brain stop functioning.
nothing could get into my brain for macroecons anymore. it's like it's saying stop, stop feeding me with anymore information.

i am so scared!

oh well. last paper later.
after that will be to airport for dinner.

okay. time to go to expo now for exams.
bye!


愛與希望 詞/王雅君 曲/林俊傑

5.12赈灾歌曲

大地被搖晃著
天空突然黑了
我的心也被震碎了 下一秒瓦解了 淚堆積成了河

但明天是好的
我們要堅定著
愛~讓我們不放棄活著 還要繼續和大自然拔河

當愛與希望 投射炙熱的太陽
昨日淚光 會隨時間都蒸发
別輕易放棄 明天要許更多願望
裝滿了勇氣 就更有力量

當愛與希望 倒映暖暖的月亮
再回頭望 又是築好的家鄉
我知道未來還有好多路要闖
我打開了窗 看見了晴朗

watched 《让爱川流不息》yesterday night. and my tears just dropped from 7pm-10pm without stopping。
the tears just couldn't just stop flowing for the 3 hours.
the poems on 《妈妈别哭》。《 孩子，快抓紧妈妈的手》。 《生死不离》 .
and the story about the mom who have died in a kneeling position and have saved her child by using her body to protect her 3-4 months old child, and left the message in the handphone saying-dear child, if you are still living, please know that i love you.
the guy who fight for survival and was waiting for people to save him out. and he was saved out,but his heartbeat stopped and died along the way to the hospital.
and a school teacher ensure that her students leave before she leave. and because of this. she lost her life.
and a parents lost both her twin daughter.

it was just so so so heart wrenching.
:(

OK.back to macroecons.


3 down. 1 more to go.
next Wednesday, freedom.

Yesterday paper Corporate finance. forget it.
i think if i can ever pass this paper, it would be miracle.
i think everyone came out of the hall swearing and cursing.
except a couple of people i knew said the paper was better than the prelims which i think was not.
hope i can pass.
:(

today paper was principle of banking and finance.
since it was morning paper, and yesterday was afternoon paper, i left with no time to study.
then i was happily studying hard for chapter 4 of the book. then
today most of the questions came from 2,5,6 and 8.
i mean most.
so if you studied chapter 6 & 8, i think you will pass and score.
but DD decide to skip chapter 8 and use whatever she learned in CF to apply into PBF.
then the variance i really anyhow do.
calculation got error.
and rounding off an answer also got error(which is cannot be for me, but i think i just lost my sense of logic at that point of time because expo hall 1(my exam venue) was freezing cold).
i think minus some marks for calculation error & rounding off the answers. and minus off marks from the anyhow DD theory of logic.yes, DD is not a theory person(that's beside Piano exam theory)
i think i should be able to pass.just let me pass this paper alright, i don't aim that much.

i go no more confident in macroecons.
sigh. help me with my worst subjects.

just let me pass all my papers.
seriously, i don't know what to do if i fail one or two or all.
:(


so stress.

i don't know how to do the past year papers.
:(
and worst of all. my friends ask me questions i don't know how to answer.
and worst still, the say so many things in order. but i don't remember i have learnt or studied for.

i hope i will pass all my papers will do.
and please, the paper better don't be that tough as POA last friday.
if not i will have nightmare everyday until results is out.
and i really want to heck the honours already.

STRESS!

28th of May, quickly come.
can't wait for everything to be over.
:(


i couldn't sleep last night.

and i read the newspaper for the don't know how many times last night instead of studying for Corporate Finance as well as Banking & Finance.

and the newspaper coverage were mostly on Sichuan Earthquake as well as the new on tv.
and it was really a heartwrenching sight when you see their homeland being destroyed to ground zero level.
schools building collaspe and have cause so many little children studying died during the earthquake.
people crying over the ones they have lost.
it's just so so so sad.
:(

and well, i believe i could pass my accounting for now. and i just hope the honours is still there for me to achieve.and i realise yesterday upon reaching home, i didn't write the calculator model on the cover page for my paper yesterday.lucky is not the candidate number. but hopefully nothing goes wrong from never writing the calculator model. haha.

alright. 2 papers next week.

1 down, 3 more to go.


first paper today.Accounting.

so. imagine.
you, yourself, have to do 9 questions within 3 hours or 180 mins excluding 15 mins reading time.
you divide the time equally within the 9 questions you will get 1 question 20 mins each.

section A i flop it. i can't finish the 6 questions which was required and 5 marks each. but you know how horrible when they ask you to do a p&l question and balance sheet for that 5 marks.
ask you do a variance analysis and reconciliation on that variances for 5 marks.

i decide to tackle my section B today which is 30 marks.
but you know how ang moh is really ang moh lah.
i don't even understand the very first main point they want to say.
so?
time wasted is about like 1.5 hours already.

then i went to section A. i stuck here and there. and they were playing with their words around.
time wasted. 1 hour for 4 questions i did when i am suppose to did 6 questions. 2 questions didn't do. 10 marks gone.

section C need to do 2 question 20 marks each.
so i do, but i can't balance my cashflow statement by 10m pound. so never mind.
when i was about to start my second questions in section C, time left 3 mins. when i wrote 3 words. they said, times up, pens down. please stop writing. 20 marks totally gone.

tell me.
problems lies with i didn't study well, or the paper, or the time?

and today paper brought back my nightmare on the accounting paper that i took during my O levels.
same feeling as that time after the exams right now.

the paper is not easy.
it's damn difficult.
there's goes the marks i wanted.
the honours that im aiming.

let's just hope that i will get a 50plus. but i must be joking with myself cos i already lost 30 marks. or rather 34 marks.

and if i failed, i really don't know what to do.

SIAN!


countdown to first paper: 3 days.
countdown to end of paper:15 days.

i can't wait!

no more chest pain. no more sore throat.
but more headache.

and i go a nice encounter with a cockroach last night or rather this morning at about 12am plus.

okay. back to accounting subject guide.sigh
and thanks someone for his sms. :p
loves.

till then


my head hurts. my throat hurts. and my chest hurts the whole day yesterday.
it's so scary.
you know you are sick and no one there to help you like that.
i am not saying that i didn't tell my parents or what. but i am so so scared that something wrong is with my body.
especially the chest pain. don't know what is wrong with it this time round.
:(

finally i get to use the internet.
though i get to post some friend post in LJ. i didn't post here.

so..
Last Saturday, went to study at Tampines Lib and then to Ajisan and meet felicia, ting and Xuejing. the next meet up should be during Michelle 21st Birthday. it was Ting treat because she got into SMU Biz Management.
and after that came home and study.

first paper this Friday.
am so scared that i am not in the right condition to take paper.
and what i have studied for accounting is like lost into my short term memory.
you know how expensive is the exam fee.
$2084. haha. it's like average 1 paper is 500 plus.
tell me how one can afford to fail?
i guess is because of the shipping of the paper back to London there to have it mark. :(

can't wait for my papers to finish.

alright. i go and blog at LJ.
till then.
:)


On Saturday after tuition, i went home and bath and put down my bag. it's super heavy because i went to Tamp Lib and study in the morning.

after that went to eHub for Liqiu 21st celebration.
eHub is super close to my house and i went there for don't know how many times of the week
dinner that day was at a korean restaurant,the name i forgotten how to spell, but it's beside New York New York.
of course, i was late, but my bag is seriously super heavy plus the files i have in my hand.
went there and have dinner.
was separate into 2 tables. haha.
and we just ate and took pics.
went to watch over her dead body movie at 11.30pm.
and reach home at about 1.45am.

pictures upload next time.
maybe after exams! haha

23 more days to go.

i go and blog at my LJ already.
:)

till then.


24 more days to go.

study, study, study.


seriously, i think i don't want to think so much.
i just do what i want. what i feel like.
there's no point telling myself. i got no time.
no this and that.
and in my mind, i keep telling myself i want my second upper or first class (which is both utterly impossible)
but every morning, i wake up feeling so guilty for thinking so much.
and yet i couldn't stop thinking for every minute.

while others in local unis have finished or going to finish their exams.
peiyin who's in RMIT is going to finish her exams like really soon also.
i still got 2 more weeks (or should i say less than that) to go before my first paper starts.
and yet, there's still lots of stuff not even finished and every morning i would just tell myself i need to do this and that and think about the things i have not finish.
instead of concentrating on my studying.

time is seriously running out.
:(

25 more days to go and i will be free.
think positive DD.

and jiayou to all my friends.
:)






27 more days to end of Misery.
tonight. i need to start on my Macroecons.

no more crying.
no more toturing myself.
let the nature take it course.

sometimes, i really pity the kids in the younger generation.
it's like so many stuff for them to learn and i thought children should have a nice childhood instead of worrying after results and result.
you know how sickening it is?

oh well.
friends, do let's Jia You for the exams.
never ever say die.
:)

DeDuan / DD
23, LPS, CSS, TP, SIM, 23/08/1986
shy, independent/dependent, perfectionist
music, piano, shopping, family & friends make up her life
loves cheescakes & chocolates,beach & stars
wish for honours(hopefully), driving license, travel around the world, happily ever after, get a good job, diamonds, digital camera

Websites i go to-
Beatrice Charlene Charmaine the feisty princess Digg hungry go where Jaime Teo Jeanette Aw Jessica Tan Joanne Peh Nat Ho Peggy PeiLing Rebecca Lim Violet Xiaxue Yanwen (A young mommy blog)

Friends-
Old Blog Benson ChingYing ChuXian Daphne Eeqa Esprimere Felicia Geraldine Grace Ivy Jaclyn Jane Jannah Jewel Jiahui Joy Katie Liane Mabel Nic PeiYin Shanice ShuXian Suyee Tingting WeiPing WeiYi XiangYue XiuRong Xuejing YaFang Yvonne

Past

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